Finished.

School is over for me FOR LIFE! Today has been my first day of freedom. 

Today I didn't have to do anything. I slept until half one, lounged about in my PJ's until almost four and ate a shitload of asparagus!

It's the strangest feeling... Not having any responsibilities. I am fully free. In every sense of the word! There's nothing and nobody holding me back or tying me down!

Let me explain;

-I ain't got a job

-No children/ Not up the duff

-No official boyf, so I'm a free agent.. Essentially.. 

-No schoolwork or studying to do

-No family members to be responsible for

-Nobody really cares what I do with myself!

So there you have it! Some might feel deflated knowing that they have no purpose or that nobody gives a fuck about them. Me? I rejoice in it! I can get off my tits drunk/stoned, cause scandal, disappear for a while or be gossiped about and I don't care! Better, my family doesn't care either! Yesterday I got so baked and I was tripping. My friends didn't care! 

Essentially, I can have as much fun as I dare and nobody will tell me to stop.

Holy fuck. I think I'm in heaven!

Life is AMAZING!

Oh, hey! Another massive upside to this, as I discovered yesterday on my cycle, is that I can concentrate on losing weight! Usually when I'm out cycling I think "Oh I need to get back so I can take a shower and revise..". It's like my life was centred around homework and revision and certain obligations to please people etc. So yesterday I was about to turn back when I realised.. Hey, I don't need to be back! I can cycle forever! So I went the whole way into town and back, the long way. That's over ten miles!

Sorry to rub it in your faces! XD

Oh freedom...

xx<3

Last night I had a bit of a fuck up, stress induced. Wasn't too bad.. around 400cals, Then I purged.

I'm down to 121.2lbs today, that's a loss of 1.2lbs! Not bad, right?

Today's intake:

cereal bar (133)

pear (75?)

apple (75?)

soup (100)

bread... a lot of bread.. (350?)

pie  (300)

So far that's a total of... 1033cals... FUCK. Well, I did purge some of the pie. So possible just under 1000cals.

Meh. Cycling and running later. Do some weight, squats and sit-ups. It'll be alright... hopefully...

Revision should be done... At some stage...

Hope you're all doing well and sticking to your diets!

xx<3

Cereal bar (133)

Apple (70?)

Stir fry (300)

Asparagus(50)

Soup (100)

bread (172)

Total so far: 825calories.

I compiled a list of people I want to lose weight for. Thinking about my success and how it will affect them gives me a LOT of motivation. Here it is if you're interested!

1. My mother- She can't make all those jibes about my weight or how she was so much skinnier than me when she was my age etc if I'm a stick.

2. My brother- The next time I see him will be in a few months and I want to shock him, besides, he's so thin and I should be the thin one of the family 'cause I'm a girl!

3. Best friend- She knows about me having weight/eating issues. She thinks I'm pathetic 'cause I'm not thin already. Time to get a little respect from her.

4. A guy- A few months ago there was a guy that I liked. Annoyingly, I still like him. He fucked me and then fucked off. If I ever run into him again I want him to see what he's missing.

5. Another guy- The guy I'm having a thing with right now deserves somebody hot, and right now I get the feeling that he's not attracted to me. I want him to really want me.

6. The bitch- A girl I went to school with. You know the type, looks down on you always asks what you got in that test so she can boast about how much better she is. She used to be fat so I was better looking. Now she got fit. If there's one thing she won't beat me at it's being attractive.

7. The beach- Well, this is a place. But there are a shitload of beautiful girls there. I can't go there right now with my disgusting body. I'm not worthy.

8. Friend B- She has always called me pudgy. Even when I was underweight she'd just casually toss into conversation something about how her being thinner than me. I want to me her see me as really, really skinny.

9. The ex- He always comes back thinking he can use me, well beauty is power and thin is beautiful. When I reach my UGW I will finally be able to demand respect from him.

10. Everybody who ever said or even thought I was ugly. So yeah I don't slap on a load of make-up to go to school or to the gym and I don't have perfect hair every day, but thin girls can look good no matter what.

Success is the best revenge, right? 

I want to lose the most weight these next two weeks. Around 6-8lbs. Weighing in tomorrow and hopefully losing around 0.5lbs per day. Weighing in every day is the way to go!

Good luck all of you. 

xx<3